


to stay asleep

by thunderstorm (ConsultingTimelordWizard)



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 3, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 23:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13914894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsultingTimelordWizard/pseuds/thunderstorm
Summary: Shepard's used to nightmares. She's not used to having Garrus appear in them.





	to stay asleep

**Author's Note:**

> i always picture my shepard having a hard time with nightmares, but unlike in ME3 i'd picture her having people she knows and cares about in them rather than that little boy. this is after sanctuary and before the attack on the illusive man's base--picture either on the way to the citadel for the start of the citadel dlc or leaving for the base after the citadel dlc.
> 
> also apologies if it sounds a little jumbled! i wrote this during class in my notebook and i'm sorting through it slowly.

Nothing.

Behind her the Normandy slowly but surely gets blown into nothing, bits and pieces floating slowly past her faceplate and into Alchera’s atmosphere. In the distance, Shepard could see the escape pods flying away from the wreckage, leaving her to exhale in relief and focus more on the pain taking her panic’s place. Her suit’s VI helpfully reminded her that her O2 line had been breached, and Shepard felt her fear begin to spike. Even the great Commander Shepard couldn’t elude death forever, and her body spun lazily through space as she tried to cover the line. It wasn’t until she spun toward Alchera that she saw him, and Shepard thought she’d lost the rest of her oxygen in the course of those few seconds.

Garrus.

Shepard automatically reached for the turian, wincing as the hissing of her O2 line grew louder. Keeping one hand back to continue trying to clog the hole, she managed to grab one of Garrus’ hands and tug him closer. The brief spark of hope she’d felt ( _ surely the two of them could find a way to survive this _ ) was snuffed when she noticed his lack of helmet, his unseeing eyes meeting hers a moment later. Her vision swam, though Shepard no longer knew if it was from the lack of oxygen or her oncoming tears. She tugged her best friend’s body to flush with her own and hugged it with her remaining strength. In the distance, she could hear Sovereign’s loud rumble as black creeped along the edges of her vision, and she tried to savor her final breath--

“Shepard.”

Shepard’s eyes flew open at the sound of her name, and she was no longer floating through space. Green surrounded her instead, interrupted by the sterile white walls of an unmarked building. No, that was a lie--several meters away stood a sign marked Sanctuary. Dead Cannibals, Banshees, and Marauders surrounded her; the same went for Liara ahead of her. Shepard automatically went into cover when she saw Liara still in it, and she peered over the crate to see who they had left to take care of. A shot went past her head, and she scoped a sniper at the upper ledge. A marauder, if the sharp angles were anything to go by. A Marauder...with a blue visor over his right eye. Shepard’s blood went cold, and she got out of cover despite the protests of both Liara and her own instincts.

“Garrus!” she shouted, not flinching as he lined up the shot--

“Shepard!”

Shepard bolted up from her hunched position at her desk, wincing at the ache in her neck and rubbing at it. It took far too long for her liking to ground herself, and the lack of person in her cabin didn’t help matters.

“What is it, EDI?” she asked, looking up at the ceiling.

“You were having a nightmare,” the AI stated. “Would you like me to contact Officer Vakarian?”

Shepard sighed and stood, heading for the door. “That won’t be necessary. I’ll meet him in the mess.” She paused. “Thank you for waking me.”

She could have sworn she heard the concern in her voice as EDI responded, “Of course, Shepard. Anytime.”

\---

The mess was relatively empty, but that hardly surprised Shepard. If her internal clock was accurate, it was likely almost three in the morning and only the skeleton crew would be awake and about the ship. Frankly, she was thankful for the emptiness of the crew deck; if it had been any other way, she’d have to explain why her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was paler than usual. Shepard didn’t like sharing those details with even the closest of her friends, let alone ever member of her crew. She was Commander Jane Shepard, hero of the Citadel and vanquisher of both the Collectors and the Reapers (though the latter was yet to be determined, she wouldn’t fault anyone for clinging to hope however). She had an image to uphold, and no one she could take lightly. If she broke down, the rest of the galaxy was bound to follow suit.

Not that her loved ones cared, of course.

Shepard took a deep breath and got herself some water to sip on. Her eyes traveled to the battery door on instinct, and she found her feet moving on their own accord toward the door before she made the conscious decision to do so. The image of a dead or Reaper-fied Garrus still haunted her mind, though her tension relaxed considerably when she saw the lock was green. Shepard only hesitated for a moment before opening the door and walking inside.

As expected, Shepard found Garrus standing at the console, his hands moving quickly as he typed. He was talking to someone as he worked, and Shepard felt herself smile as she set her water aside and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. His voice stuttered at the unexpected contact, though she thought she could hear a smile as he continued to talk.

“Losing your words already?” the voice asked Garrus, tone cheeky. Shepard laughed quietly and pressed her face into the turian’s shirt, fond of the surprisingly soft material it was made of.

“Not at all, Sol,” Garrus said, swiping what looked like a screen of equations away and pulling up a different screen in its place. This one had the image of a younger female turian with facial markings similar to Garrus’ own. Solona, Shepard guessed, and before she could pull away her boyfriend placed his hand over both of hers to keep her in place. “I never have a problem with words,” he continued. “Just had a surprise visitor is all.”

“You? Surprised? You’re going soft, big brother,” Solona teased, mandibles flicking out into a grin. “Is it your commander? You can’t avoid introducing us forever.”

“Sol, I literally just found out you and dada were alive less than a week ago. Forgive me for not introducing you to my girlfriend.”

“So she  _ is _ your girlfriend!”

Shepard laughed again as Garrus groaned, shifting from behind him so that she was situated at his side. He wrapped an arm around her waist and she kept one of hers around his, Garrus’ embarrassment over his sister evident.

“You must be Solona,” Shepard said, offering Solona her warmest smile and hoping she didn’t look as awful as she had moments ago. If she did, nothing was said about it; for that Shepard was grateful. “Garrus mentioned you a few times.”

“And Garrus has mentioned  _ you _ more than just a few times, Commander Shepard.” If she were human, Shepard was sure Solona would have waggled her eyebrows. Shepard’s lips quirked up.

“Please, Jane is fine. Someone might as well use my first name. Right Garrus?” She looked up at Garrus with a shit eating grin. Garrus held his hand up in surrender.

“Don’t yell at me! I ddin’t know you wanted your first name used around the rest of the crew.”

“You never asked.”

“Alright!” Solona laughed and shook her head at the two of them. “I’ll hang up and let you two bicker. I’ll call you later, alright Garrus?”

“Alright,” Garrus said, expression fond. “I love you, alright? Keep safe, and watch after dad.”

“I’ll keep him out of trouble. Love you too.” Solona waved and hung up, leaving both Garrus and Shepard in the quiet of the battery. The two were still for a moment, Garrus’ sigh breaking the silence and hand brushing her hair out of her face. Shepard leaned into the touch and covered his hand with her own, waiting for the inevitable question.

“What are you doing up? You went to bed hours ago.”

_ And there it was _ .

Shepard took a deep breath to compose herself, keeping her eyes shut and only opening them when she was ready to face the music. As ready as she could be, anyway. Her green eyes were met with his piercing blue ones, and it took courage she only saved for the battlefield to keep herself from looking away.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Shepard deflected, raising an eyebrow at him. Garrus knew her too well at that point to fall for any of her diversion tactics, but he would probably humor her anyway. It was one of the many things she loved about him; Shepard found a new reason to be thankful for Garrus every day.

“You know turians don’t need as much sleep as humans do, Shepard. I’m fine with half the sleep you need.”

“I guess I must be part turian then.” Her lips quirked up, and Garrus shook his head with an exasperated sigh.

“Honestly, I’d believe you being part krogan more than part turian. You’ve got the temperament, and Wrex already made you an honorary krogan as it is.”

“Careful, Vakarian, before I give you a krogan-style headbutt.” Shepard’s smile grew when Garrus laughed, and she pulled him back into a tight hug. Garrus was there, with her, and--most importantly--safe. He wasn’t turned into a Marauder or suffocating in space; he was a real, warm, familiar figure at her side, and Shepard wouldn’t let anything happen to him so long as she breathed.

Shepard must have been quiet for a bit, because she felt Garrus sigh and pull back to look at her again. “YOu still haven’t answered my question, Jane.”

She winced when he used her first name and decided that she might as well give in. She couldn’t avoid the topic forever.

“I had a nightmare,” she finally said, refusing to make eye contact. “Nothing out of the usual, Garrus. Promise.”

“You don’t normally come and find me after a nightmare, Shepard. Something about not worrying me as I recall.”

“You’re a worry wart. Blame yourself for that.”

His mandibles flicked in his confusion. “What’s a worry wart?”

“Human expression. Never mind.” Shepard gave him a tight smile. “I just needed a hug I guess, that’s all.”

“Well, I can certainly do that.” Garrus pressed his forehead to her own and she relaxed, eyes fluttering closed and eyelids starting to feel heavy. Damn the Reapers; Shepard was damned if she fought sleep, yet damned if she gave into sleep. God, she was just  _ tired _ . Garrus was safe, though. He was always looking out for her. Catching a few moments of rest in his arms wouldn’t be a bad thing…

The last thing Shepard registered was Garrus picking her up and holding her against his chest, his voice rumbling into her ears as he left the main battery and took her back to her cabin:

“Let’s get you back to bed.”

\---

Shepard’s surroundings came to her slowly as she woke up, which surprised her. When had she fallen back asleep? The light pressure on her waist was all the answer that she needed, and Shepard smiled sleepily as she rolled over to face the turian at her side. Garrus looked like he was sleeping, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. It was easy to forget the previous night when she woke up next to her boyfriend, though it was only a matter of time before Traynor or EDI dragged her out of bed with an important debrief or message marked as high priority.

She reached to cup Garrus’ scarred cheek with her hand, and he woke up.

“So much for turians not needing a lot of sleep,” she teased, chuckling at his grumpy expression and leaning to kiss his nose. He made a pleased noise and tugged Shepard closer.

“That’s what I get for dating a human,” he murmured in response. “Sol and my father won’t let me hear the end of it if they catch me sleeping human hours.”

“Just blame me if they give you trouble. I’ve faced actual Reapers on foot. I’m sure I can handle two turians.”

“You’ve yet to meet them, Shepard. Face-to-face I mean. Get back to me after you’ve dealt with them both.”

Shepard snorted and leaned to kiss his forehead before sitting up, glancing at her alarm clock and wrinkling her nose in annoyance. No matter how long she was in the military, she doubted she’d ever be able to make herself a true morning person. Garrus sat up and scooted behind her, nuzzling the crook of her neck and subvocals sounding like a cat’s purr. Shepard smiled.

“Did you want to talk about your nightmare from last night?”

Shepard frowned.

Was that even a question? Of course she didn’t want to talk about Garrus being spaced or being turned into a Marauder to Garrus himself. Shepard knew her boyfriend--there would be no getting out of the conversation. She sighed in defeat but kept her back to Garrus, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

“I--I was on the SR-1 again. Joker went off, the ship exploded, and I was spaced.”

“Shepard--” Garrus began, probably to cut her off and keep her from reliving her death, but the words started to fall out once she’d opened the gates in her mind.

“I wasn’t the only one spaced, though. I turned around and you were there, dead, and I couldn’t reach you no matter what I did. Then I was at Sanctuary with LIara, a-and you’d become a Marauder. I had to k--” Shepard cut herself off and covered her mouth with her hand, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Garrus turned her around and held her without a word, talons stroking up and down her spine lightly.

“I’m here Jane,” Garrus whispered. “I’m alive. I’m hard to kill, you know that.”

“I can’t lose you,” Shepard whispered back, clinging to him tightly. “I’ve lost so many people already, but losing you would crush me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Good thing you’ll never have to find out, then, because you’ll have a hard time getting rid of me.”

“But what if--?”

Shepard.” Garrus pushed Shepard back until he was staring her in the eyes. “Listen to me: I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”

God, did she want to believe that was true. “...okay.”

He grinned and wiped her tears away. “That’s my girl.”

“Your girl?” Shepard laughed weakly and leaned against her boyfriend’s chest, rubbing at her eyes and relaxing as the flow of the tears began to slow down.

“Did I say my girl? I meant my strong warrior girlfriend that could kill me with her little finger if she wanted to.”

“That’s better.” Shepard managed a smile and leaned up to press their foreheads together. “I love you so much. You know that, right?”

“I still can’t figure out why,” Garrus said, shaking his head. “I’m not a huge believer of the spirits like my father, but I thank them every day for giving me you in my life.”

“Never knew you to be a sap, Vakarian.” Shepard finally pulled away from Garrus and got out of bed, holding a hand out for him to take. “Come on. Let’s get ready for the day.”

Garrus got up and took Shepard’s hand, giving it a squeeze and her a smile.

“Right behind you, Jane. Always right behind you.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr! http://zabiniwritcs.tumblr.com


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